I don’t mind when Hollywood decides to do a remake of a previous movie. On principle, I think it’s just fine. Would I prefer that studios make more original films? Sure. But, in the right circumstances, a remake can be a great idea.
Of course, we all know that remakes have a poor track record of living up to the original. This could be because most remakes take a successful and hopefully ‘good’ original movie and then try to update it in some way. So, the bar is usually fairly high for the remake to actually be any good.
But sometimes we can tell a remake is a bad idea even before we see the new version. Let’s take a look at some remakes where I think a lot of us might have vetoed the whole thing if we happened to be sitting in the producers’ meeting when the idea came up.
We’re also willing to bet you don’t even know that some of these remakes were made. They were that forgettable.
Psycho (1998)
This one falls into the category of trying to recreate one of the most iconic movies of all time. Who in their right mind wants to create a movie and try to live up to the original? It’s like being named Michael Jordan and deciding to become a basketball player. Maybe try another sport? Well, in 1998 director Gust Van Sant decided to make his version of the Hitchcock classic. Again, why? But, if you’re going to do a remake, we can assume you have a creative spin on the original story. Something to make your new film stand apart from its predecessor. Right?
Well, in this case, the director actually created a shot-by-shot remake of the original. This might sound like a fantastic film school class project, but as a remake from a talented director (which Van Sant is), this seems like a poor choice. Critics and audiences agreed and the remake of Psycho pales in comparison to the original.
The Wicker Man (2006)
So, the remake stars Nicolas Cage. Need I say more? OK, that may be a bit harsh. Cage has delivered numerous fine performances over his career (Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas, etc.) but he is also known for some memorably less than great movies like Ghost Rider and The Wicker Man. The original was a bizarre cult classic from 1973. I’m not sure the original is actually a good movie, but it did attain cult status as a horror movie about a strange cult.
This is one where even approaching a remake seems like a stretch. Not a hugely popular movie to begin with, and then the execution met with pretty poor reviews and minimal audience interest. I think we could have seen this one coming.
The Shaggy Dog (2006)
Not even Disney is immune from making bad remake decisions. In fact, recent years have brought a number of not-so-great remakes from the folks at Disney (Cinderella comes to mind). But, let’s focus on one from a while back in the remake of The Shaggy Dog from 1959 (and the sequel from 1976. The original was a huge hit for Disney, creating a template for the next two decades worth of live-action family films. In the original, a teenage boy transforms into a sheepdog at the most inconvenient times. The 2006 remake makes it a businessman, played by Tim Allen, who is the one turning into a sheepdog.
We know that Tim Allen was a huge draw with these family comedies for a number of years. But, I think this is one where the concept might have seemed cute and funny in the 1950s, but might not resonate with audiences in the 2000s.
Poltergeist (2015)
OK, did you even know this movie existed? I vaguely remembered it when I started researching this article, but otherwise, it made little impression. Here’s another one where the original is a true classic. The original came out in 1982 and is still listed among some of the best horror movies of all time.
If you miss when updating a real classic, critics and audiences will not be forgiving and they weren’t with the updated version of this ghostly flick.
Conan the Barbarian (2011)
The original Conan The Barbarian put Arnold Schwarzenegger on the map as a movie star in 1982. The movie itself isn’t exactly Academy Award material, but it was memorable and is certainly well thought of by a certain fan base. The remake cast Jason Momoa in the title role and audiences didn’t buy it.
The lesson here might be that remaking a movie is one thing, but replacing an iconic actor is another.
Point Break (2015)
When Point Break came out in 1991, it was hailed as an action classic. Keanu Reeves as the FBI agent and Patrick Swayze as a bank robber/surfer. It featured epic action scenes like Reeves diving out of a plane without a parachute to catch Swayze. Basically, it’s a great action movie that holds up even today. So, about that remake…
Once again, there is a challenge in replacing iconic actors in what was also a very well-crafted film. Seriously how many iconic roles has Keannu Reeves had? Point Break, The Matrix, Bill & Ted, John Wick… Kind of amazing. Anyway, the remake simply never captured the thrills of the original.
