The Hamptons, known to be a breeding ground for the wealthy, the accomplished and the content, introduces us to a character that breaks this stereotype. Linda, a character portrayed compellingly by Rose Byrne, is a Montauk psychologist in Mary Bronstein's film "If I Had Legs I’d Kick You". Linda, unlike the usual Hamptons character, is woven from stress and tension, immune to soothing words and expected wisdom from her family therapist.
The cause of Linda's unending tension is the mysterious, seemingly incurable illness of her young daughter (Delaney Quinn). The illness is only hinted at throughout the film, with subtle cues like an intravenous feeding tube or small feet dangling from a bathroom toilet. The troubles in their house further compound with the ceiling starting to ooze a strange substance, inducing Lynchian visions in the stressed-out mother.
Absurdity fills Linda's life, from dealing with a feral hamster attempting an escape his pet box, to becoming the reluctant caregiver of an abandoned baby, and finally, discovering an unusual opening in her apartment that mirrors the seeping hole in the ceiling.
When Linda's husband, a sea-bound cruise captain, reacts unsympathetically to her despair, and her patients press on with their needy demands, Linda's agitation skyrockets. Her personal therapist is no help either, showing rapidly depleting reserves of patience for her situation. "If I Had Legs I’d Kick You" presents a rollercoaster of dramatic energy and intense emotion, somewhat reminiscent of films like Daddy Longlegs and Heaven Knows What, Good Time, and Uncut Gems.
Despite the bleak narrative, Bronstein peppers the film with an underlay of dark humor. The relentless tension in Linda's life continues as she battles the head of the medical program, pestering landlords, and unsympathetic motel staff, all while caring for her sick daughter. Amid all this chaos, the calm character of James, a hip-hop artist played by A$AP Rocky, brings a brief respite, only to be pushed away by Linda's unpredictable behavior.
Bronstein's film provides an intense exploration of the pressures often associated with motherhood. Linda's poignant struggle with guilt, responsibility, and a failing support system is amplified by the exquisite performance of Rose Byrne. Combining with an eerie soundscape and an indulgence into body horror towards the end, the film presents a nerve-wracking, yet captivating experience. A word of caution, though, the relaying of such intense anxiety can be quite exhausting for the viewer.
